Smile For Me
by Sissa
Summary: Rachel Berry never showed emotion. She never screamed after the coldness hit her in the face. She never let the tears fall from her eyes after yet another bitchy comment from some cheerio. She never let them see the hurt she felt. Until an intruder changed her life forever.
1. Chapter 1

Note: AU. Kind of.  
Disclaimer: The characters of Glee are not mine and no infringement is intended.

Okay guys, here is the deal. I was listening to this one song and I got this idea, so I tried to write it down because it wouldn't leave me alone.

The biggest thank you to my beta nataliving.

Thanks for reading!

* * *

It was the day Rachel first noticed the invader.

It wasn't anything special that there was a new student, at least not for everyone else because at McKinley everyone knew about everything. Well, everyone but Rachel. Rachel Berry didn't care about anything that wasn't music. Nor did she care about the people around her. You could say she was a loner. It never really bothered her; at least that's what she used to say to herself while cleaning her face after receiving another slushie facial. It didn't bother her that there was no one who would stand up for her, who would protect her in front of the jocks or who would help her clean up. She didn't care about the people laughing at her while she was standing in the hallway with her clothes red from the slushie. She was too proud to let them see her humiliation. She never cried.

The thing is, Rachel Berry never showed emotion. She never screamed after the coldness hit her in the face. She never let the tears fall from her eyes after yet another bitchy comment from some cheerio. She never let them see the hurt after everyone picked their partners in class but she didn't have one. Nobody ever saw Rachel even crack a smile either. They didn't know what her laugh sounded like or what her smile looked like.

The truth is, nobody knew a thing about her. She intimidated the jocks and cheerios with her 'doesn't give a fuck' attitude and that's why they hated her. They wanted to break her, to show her who's the boss, but she didn't even flinch.

Rachel just wanted to disappear.

She didn't care about her tormentors, she just wanted to be invisible or disappear from this world. You could say she was depressed.

Life taught her to be like that.

The only thing Rachel cared about was _her_ music. _T_hat was the one thing she didn't share with anyone. True, she was in a glee club, but she never actually sang. She just listened to other students talk about things she wasn't interested in, pretended to sing when she had to, and danced when everybody else did only so they wouldn't notice her. Then, when it was over and everybody left, she would stay behind, sit down on the piano bench and let her fingers gently trace the keys before she pressed down and first notes filled the room. She didn't sing out loud, afraid that someone could hear her but she didn't care about someone hearing her play. Not after she got lost in the sound of music.

Music was her only friend. It was her friend, her boyfriend, her girlfriend, her lover—the only thing in this world that could make her happy. Even if it was only for a while. She never realized that when she was lost in music and her fingers were softly touching the piano keys, it was also the only time she was smiling.

Just like she didn't realize that someone was listening to her while she was lost in her own world. That is, until she accidentally hit the wrong note and stopped, frustrated.

"Fuck," she muttered to herself. Then there was a rustling sound in the empty auditorium and she lifted her head to see a shadow of a person running away and closing their door behind them.

Rachel didn't really care about the mystery person. She was just annoyed that someone invaded her space. Although, she couldn't help but notice two things: That the person was definitely a girl and Rachel had never seen her before. Or she hadn't noticed her. In Rachel's case both could be true.

She didn't care about the girls gossiping next to her. She really didn't. She wasn't interested in their stupid talk as they were excitedly whispering to each other about something she didn't give a shit about. But she _had_ to listen because the drama queens sitting next to her weren't really quiet. She wanted to tell them to shut the hell up but she knew she wouldn't. She never did. Instead, she just sat there quietly, trying to escape the world at least in her mind.

"So have you seen her already?" She heard a not-so-quiet whisper coming from the boy with the funny but beautiful singing voice. Kurt was his name. At least she thought so.

"Of course, everybody saw her, silly," was the reply from his friend, an Asian girl.

She really should learn their names.

"It's been a week, Kurt. I feel like you're the only one who hasn't seen her yet." From the corner of her eye Rachel saw his other friend—Rachel was pretty sure her name was Mercedes—roll her eyes.

She heard the boy huff. "Well excuse me because I don't stalk new people like you guys."

"No one is stalking her," Mercedes said before adding, "Well, maybe Coach Sylvester. She is dying to have her in her little club of skinny bitches."

Rachel smirked. Who knew the diva could be funny? She wouldn't admit it in a million years but she was becoming curious. Who was this girl they were talking about? What was so special about her?

Sadly, she realized she would have to remain curious. The other students stopped talking as they spotted the teacher making his way into class. Then she heard another whisper beside her. It was the Asian girl speaking. "There she is, Kurt. That's her, behind Mr. Schue."

Rachel lifted her head to see the mysterious girl they were talking about and she raised her eyebrow at the sight. That was her, the intruder from the other day. She didn't catch her face back then but she clearly remembered the blonde hair and her features. Rachel tilted her head in curiosity, her eyes never leaving the girl behind the teacher. Then for a second her intruder looked right directly at Rachel, and her eyes quickly widened with embarrassment. The blonde quickly broke eye contact and Rachel didn't fail to notice the blush on her cheeks. Now she was sure it was her. And the blonde girl obviously knew she was caught.

She moved her eyes to the teacher in front of class as he started talking. "Guys, this is Quinn Fabray." He looked at her and pointed at the empty seat next to Rachel. "You can sit there," he said.

Rachel sighed. That is not what she wanted. She didn't want to sit beside the person who caught her in her moment of happiness. She didn't want to talk to her. However, it became apparent that wouldn't be a problem because the intruder sat as far as she could from her and didn't even glance her way. Rachel didn't know why it stung when it was exactly what she wanted.

Rachel decided she didn't care as she tried to ignore the hurt she felt.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so sorry about the wait. Incredibly sorry. I promise it won't happen again.

Big thanks to my beta nataliving.

Thank you for reading, as always.

* * *

During next week Rachel learned a lot about her intruder. They didn't talk to each other at all, but she was in glee club with the biggest gossipers in school after all. That meant that she was well informed. Even though they never spoke directly to her, they obviously wanted everyone to listen to them.

"I heard she was kicked out of her last school."

"I heard her Dad is in prison."

"She doesn't talk to anybody."

"I heard that she almost broke Azimio's nose after he tried to slushy her."

Their gossiping was interrupted by a harsh voice. "She's a bitch, big deal. Let's just move on."

Rachel looked up and accidentally locked eyes with a Latina in front of her. Rachel knew this one. Santana Lopez: Head cheerio, girlfriend of the best dancer in glee, Brittany, and literally head bitch in charge. Satan, as Kurt nicknamed her. Still, Santana never said a bad word towards Rachel. She never threw a slushie at her. True, she didn't stop them either and she never talked to her but Rachel didn't mind. She didn't know why Santana wasn't mean to her like every other cheerleader. Well, except Brittany. But then again Brittany wasn't mean to anyone. She was a bubbly, happy person, the exact opposite of the Latina, and it still amazed Rachel how well they fit together anyway.

Rachel watched on amused as the others immediately shut up while Santana continued. "You gossip girls better stop gossiping because it's none of your business," she glared at them.

Her girlfriend nodded. "Yeah and Quinn is actually very nice. She helped me with Spanish test," she beamed. It wasn't important that she actually 'borrowed' Quinn's test and wrote down her answers. Brittany was just happy that the new girl didn't protest.

Santana smiled lovingly at her girlfriend before connecting her eyes with Rachel's again. The dark haired girl immediately started feeling uncomfortable under the Latina's gaze, not being used to the attention. She didn't let it show, though. Then she watched Santana whisper something in Brittany's ear and the blonde grinned happily before glancing Rachel's way as well. Rachel shifted in her seat, the uncomfortable feeling growing inside her. She didn't know what was happening, why they were suddenly paying attention to her and it made her nervous.

She didn't have time to think about it any further because suddenly there was a body sitting next to her. She sighed when she heard the voice speaking to her. "Hey Rach."

She frowned before turning her head to see a giant boy looking at her with a goofy expression. "Finn."

"How are you?"

Obviously he didn't notice the cold tone of her voice.

"Fine. You?" Even though she didn't want to talk to him, she was taught to be polite.

"Great, awesome. So listen," he started, scratching his head. "Wanna hang out this weekend?"

_Here we go again_, Rachel thought. To be honest, Finn was the only person who actually made some effort to talk to her, but that was only because he wanted to get in her pants. His some sort of a crush on her has been going since middle school when Rachel helped him with geometry homework. Since then Finn's been persistent in asking her to go out on a date with him even though she's shot him down every single time. Rachel never even thought about him that way. She didn't understand why he thought he had a chance with her.

"Can't, sorry," was her usual answer. Now she used it again.

He opened his mouth to say something when a strange thing happened. Rachel noticed the Latina coming their way with her bitchy face and then she heard a voice. "Listen here, Finnept. Do us a favor and finally leave Berry alone. It's annoying as fuck and she's obviously not interested." She then grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her towards her to sit next to her and Brittany.

To say that Rachel was surprised wouldn't be enough. That she was speechless and shocked, maybe. And she wasn't the only one. Everyone was gaping at them and no one dared to say a word as the Latina glared at them. "What?" They immediately tried to act like nothing happened but everyone knew that what she just did changed absolutely everything.

Santana just stood up for Rachel.

She was the first person to ever do that.

* * *

Santana didn't talk to Rachel after that. She did make sure that Finn stayed away from her, though. Every time he tried to even look at her, she sent him a glare and he huffed but looked away from Rachel. And Rachel didn't understand. Why would Santana save her from him? She didn't care about Rachel. No one did. And it wasn't like he was mean to her. The exact opposite actually, he was the only one who made an effort of noticing her. And now she lost that one too. Even though it bothered her.

Rachel dared to glance the brunette's way. She was watching her girlfriend dance in front but looked at Rachel when she felt her eyes on her. And she didn't glare at her. Instead she gave her a small smile—so small that Rachel wasn't sure she saw right. That confused her even more. What the hell was happening?

* * *

The glee club was almost over when they heard a voice that didn't belong to any of the glee kids.

"Hi."

They all looked that way and saw a nervous looking Quinn Fabray standing awkwardly in the doorway. Rachel frowned. Of course her intruder would want to be in a glee club where she can spy on her and then ignore her. Her frowning didn't miss the Latina next to her and she raised her eyebrow questioningly. Rachel ignored her.

"Quinn, welcome. Would you like to join in?" Mr. Schue immediately asked the new girl, feeling happy about a new potential member.

The blonde still didn't move from the doorway, nervously fidgeting with her hands. Finally, after the teacher cleared his throat she seemed to wake up from whatever state she was in and nodded her head.

He grinned. "Awesome. The class is almost over but if you'd like to sing something, you are more than welcome."

The other kids immediately started encouraging her. Everyone except Rachel who was still frowning, and Santana who curiously watched the girl next to her while trying to figure her out.

So she sang.

And Rachel was more than surprised when she recognized the song. Because it was the song she played when she caught Quinn in the auditorium. The blonde had a beautiful voice, Rachel couldn't argue with that. That still didn't mean she liked her presence in the glee club.

Then she stopped singing and her eyes met with Rachel's for the first time. She definitely didn't seem to be surprised that Rachel was there and she wondered if the blonde joined in just to piss her off.

"Nice, Quinn. Very nice," Mr. Schue said, smiling. "And welcome."

Then the glee was over and everyone immediately surrounded the new member. There were just two people who didn't. Rachel was on her way to leave when a hand stopped her. She turned around to see Santana, her hand on Rachel's shoulder. The dark haired girl glanced at her shoulder and Santana got the hint and quickly retreated. "Sorry." Rachel didn't say anything but she didn't leave either, so the Latina spoke again. "Look, I make sure the oaf won't bother you anymore, don't worry."

Rachel tilted her head curiously. When was she worried anyway? She never asked for her help.

"I didn't ask for your help."

Santana was taken aback. That wasn't what she was expecting. Nobody talked to her like that. For a second she thought about some bitchy reply but quickly changed her mind.

"I know. I just…" She just what? What was she trying to prove? She finally gave up and let out a heavy sigh. "Whatever. Just know that he won't bother you anymore." With that she walked out with Brittany right behind her.

* * *

Rachel didn't stay behind this time. She wasn't interested in spending more time in the same room as Quinn. She wouldn't admit it but it hurt when the blonde kept ignoring her. It hurt because she never stopped spying on Rachel when she was playing the piano. They both were aware of themselves but neither spoke a word about it. It was weird and Rachel was confused. And she didn't like to be confused. So she did what she did the best to act like nothing was happening.

When she thought about it, nothing was happening anyway.

She was on her way to her car when she noticed that it was raining. "Shit," she mumbled because she didn't have an umbrella and her car wasn't really close. Rachel didn't like to be wet from the rain because she got sick easily. Suddenly she felt someone standing behind her. She turned her head just to see the person that she didn't want to see right now. Without a word she turned her head back and prepared herself for the rain when a voice stopped her.

"It's freezing out there."

Rachel didn't bother to turn around but she didn't move either. "So?"

The intruder got closer and now she was standing right next to her. So close that Rachel could feel her body heat and suddenly she wasn't so cold anymore. "Here, take my hoodie," she offered and Rachel finally looked at the girl. Quinn was holding a red hoodie in front of the brunette, her face neutral. Rachel furrowed her brows, not sure what was happening.

"I'm fine."

The blonde pushed the hoodie into Rachel's hands. "Here, take it. You're going to be sick. I'd offer you an umbrella but I don't have one, so…" She trailed off.

Rachel still didn't understand. What was happening? Why was she being nice to her? Until now she didn't acknowledge her existence and now she was acting like she actually cared about Rachel's health? What was wrong with her?

So Rachel glared at her and pushed the blonde's hands away. "I said I'm fine."

"I insist." She pushed it into Rachel's hands again, turned around and quickly walked away so the brunette couldn't argue anymore.

Rachel was left alone in the parking lot, completely dumbfounded.

What the hell just happened?


	3. Chapter 3

Big thanks to my beta nataliving.

Thank you for reading, following, favoriting and your amazing reviews, of course.

In the next chapter you're going to find out why Rachel is the way she is.

* * *

Some may wonder what made Rachel the way she was. She didn't smile or laugh, she didn't cry and she never showed emotions in front of people. Was she always like that? Was she that way at home too? Was there anything that could make her happy?

She put her headphones on, threw herself on a bed and once again tried to escape the world. It was Friday night and she didn't have any plans. Her parents were out for a romantic dinner and left her home alone. It was okay, Rachel didn't mind. She loved her dads and didn't blame them for leaving her by herself. They were always working during the week, so on weekend they wanted to finally spend some time alone. She was perfectly okay with it. She had them all to herself the rest of the weekend anyway.

Now some may ask if Rachel acted the same way she did at school around her parents. She did for the most part. Her dads acted like they got used to the fact that their own daughter barely smiled at them. But what parent would get used to that? They worried a lot when Rachel was younger, taking her from one therapist to another but she barely made any progress. Medication didn't work and she didn't want to take anything anyway, so they didn't insist. She was their daughter after all and they just wanted her to be happy. Then they found out that the only thing that caused her smile was music. They paid for singing lessons and a piano teacher. For her thirteenth birthday, they surprised her with a white baby grand piano of her very own. Since then, she spent most of her time in the basement with the piano. She could play for hours, singing along the music and just forgetting the life she hated so much.

And Rachel's parents just hoped that one day she would stop hating it.

* * *

She didn't realize that she fell asleep with the headphones on when her phone woke her up. She groaned and reached out to grab it, while trying to wipe away the sleep. She was sure it was one of her dads because no one else called and texted her. Boy, was she wrong. She didn't know the unknown number and for a second wanted to cancel the call, but then realized it might be important. Eventually she picked it up. "Hello?" She asked cautiously.

There was a silence on the other side before a happy squeal was heard. "Rachel? You picked up!"

The still sleepy brunette furrowed her eyebrows, recognizing the voice. "Brittany?"

"Yes, how did you know?" She asked, obviously confused.

"For Christ's sake," Rachel mumbled quietly under her breath, careful that Brittany didn't hear. She kinda liked the bubbly girl after all. "I recognized your voice," she answered truthfully.

Then it hit her. Brittany was calling her. Brittany S. Pierce, a cheerio, Santana's girlfriend, was calling _her_. Rachel Berry, a loser with capital L. How did she get her number anyway?

"Brittany, not to sound mean or anything, but why are you calling me?"

She heard some shuffling on the other side and then Brittany's voice echoed again. "You seemed sad today in glee and I wanted to know if you're okay."

Wait, was she worried about her? First Santana saved her from Finn, and now Brittany's worried about her well-being? Has the world gone mad?

"I'm fine," she replied and immediately winced. She shouldn't use that phrase so much.

Rachel could literally feel the happiness vibrating from the other girl after her answer. "Awesome. So you can go with us to Breadstix tonight?"

That woke up Rachel from her sleepy state. She narrowed her eyes. "What?"

The dancer on the other side giggled. "Tonight. Breadstix. We'll pick you up!" She offered excitedly.

"We?"

"Santana and I, silly," was the immediate answer.

Rachel sighed heavily. There was no way she'd go somewhere with them. "That won't be necessary. I appreciate your offer but… umm… I'm busy."

Then there was some noise again and suddenly she wasn't speaking to the bubbly blonde. Instead there was another voice which wasn't that friendly, to put it in a nice way. "Bullshit, Berry. We both know you're doing absolutely nothing and we'll pick you up in an hour. Bye." With that she hung up on her.

Rachel stared at the phone in her hand, speechless. Was God testing her?

* * *

And that's how she found herself in Breadstix on Friday night with two most popular girls in school. It wasn't like she was particularly unhappy about it. More like nervous, uncomfortable, annoyed and nervous again. She didn't say much since they picked her up but that didn't stop Brittany from talking to her. Santana didn't say much either, mostly she was just nodding and smiling at her girlfriend and it made Rachel even more uncomfortable. She definitely didn't want to be a third wheel on their date.

"And that's why Lord Tubbington isn't allowed to leave his room today," Brittany finished a story and Rachel finally decided to ask what was bothering her.

"Why am I here?"

She watched Brittany's face and Santana rolling her eyes. "What do you mean, Berry?"

The brunette glared at her. "You know what I mean."

Santana glared right back at her. "Don't you glare at me, missy. You're here because we want you to be here."

But Rachel wasn't the type who would give up easily. "Is this some kind of a prank?"

The Latina rolled her eyes again. She was pretty good at it. "No, it's not a prank, Jesus. I already saved your ass today, so you should be thankful and happy you're here." She ignored Rachel's quiet muttering about not asking for her help.

Then the front door opened and closed and Rachel immediately recognized the new customer. She groaned which caught girls' attention and their eyes followed hers. "What is the deal between you two?" She heard Santana say and her head snapped back in their direction.

"What do you mean?"

"You two have this strange tension every time you're in the same room. Are you fucking or something?" She asked bluntly.

Rachel's eyes widened and she shook her head to clear that picture out of her mind. She didn't know how it got there in the first place. "Are you crazy? I don't even know her."

The Latina shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm just saying."

Rachel's eyes drifted back to the said person and she frowned when she saw her sitting at the table alone. Then the girl lifted her head and their eyes locked, neither of them moving away. All of a sudden she felt hot and broke their gaze to excuse herself and quickly walked towards the restroom.

When she was safely hidden from everyone she splashed cold water on her face to calm herself. She didn't know what was going on but she didn't like it at all. She didn't know why she felt so weird every time their eyes connected. She didn't even know this girl. But she remembered Quinn's hoodie still lying on her bed and the vanilla smell she felt the whole time she was wearing it.

After she calmed down a bit, she finally gained the courage and went to leave but was stopped when the door opened and the person who caused all of this stepped in.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know someone was here," the blonde quickly apologized.

Rachel shook her head. "It's okay, I was just leaving."

She went to leave again but then felt a hand grabbing hers. She looked down at their joined hands and pulled away as if she got burned. Quinn lifted her hands in defense. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just wanted to ask if you are okay. You look upset."

Rachel ran her hand through her hair. "I'm fine." Damn, she really should stop using that sentence.

The blonde took a step closer which caused the other girl to take a step back. Quinn didn't seem to notice. "Are you sure?" She asked worriedly.

"Positive."

Another step closer.

"You don't seem fine."

Another step back.

"I feel brilliant, thank you for asking."

Rachel was nervous and she wanted to run out of there but the restroom was small and her only exit was blocked by a very persistent girl in front of her. The very persistent girl who just took another step closer, and when Rachel hit the cold wall, she realized there wasn't a place to go anymore. Suddenly she felt very hot. Especially when Quinn was staring at her with an unreadable expression on her face and God, she was so close. So close that she finally noticed that her eyes are hazel. And that she was beautiful.

So beautiful.

Rachel gulped, unable to say a word under the blonde's intent stare. She wanted to push her away, to run and never come back but she couldn't even move. She didn't want to be close to her, yet it was _everything_ she wanted. She wouldn't admit it, though.

With baited breath she watched how her intruder leaned closer and her eyes widened from fear as she saw her licking her lips.

This wasn't happening. She didn't want this. She wasn't ready.

She was prepared to push her away but instead of an expected kiss, the blonde leaned closer to her ear and whispered. "I know you can see me watching you when you play. Do you like to be watched, Rachel?"

She didn't wait for an answer as she turned around and left frozen Rachel behind.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Again, my biggest 'thank you' belongs to my beta nataliving._

_I know this chapter is short but I needed it to be done because I wanted you to know why Rachel is the way she is. I hope this explains it all and the following chapters will be much longer._

_ Also this time I decided to answer to some of your amazing reviews. Thank you for all of them, keep them coming. And of course, thanks for the favorites and follows. I appreciate every single one of them. _

_Enjoy!_

* * *

Rachel Berry used to be a happy kid. Even though one wouldn't believe it now, she was this bubbly child who laughed all the time. She had a best friend, Jesse, and they spent every minute together. They laughed a lot but it wasn't anything unusual between them. Rachel loved her best friend and planned to marry him when they were old enough. Actually, they were already married. Numerous times. True, they were only seven, but Rachel made Jesse marry her in the garden almost every week. And who could say no to those big brown eyes? Surely not Jesse. So every week they said their vows, which were different every time and innocently kissed on the cheeks. Their 'honeymoons' were usually spent in Jesse's backyard where they pretended the pool was a beach and they were in Hawaii, not in Ohio.

They had the time of their lives.

Until it all went to hell.

Rachel still had nightmares about that day. They just got 'married' again and were playing in the pool when Rachel had to use the bathroom. "I'll be right back," she told her best friend who was swimming.

"Hurry," he called after her, grinning.

On her way back from the bathroom she stopped to have a small talk with Jesse's mom who was just making them sandwiches. "Can you take these outside, Rachel?"

"Sure," the little girl smiled and Jesse's mom handed her plates with their food. "Jesse, I have food!" She called her best friend when she stepped outside but couldn't see him. "Jesse?"

Then she spotted him lying on the water, not moving. She rolled her eyes. He did that a lot. Pretended to be dead to scare her. He found it hilarious. Rachel not so much.

"Jesse, it's not funny, stop it."

He didn't move.

Rachel placed the plates on the table, grabbed a ball from the ground and threw it right at him. It didn't hit him but it caused a big splash right next to him and he jumped, startled. She started laughing because the look on his face was precious. "That wasn't funny," he pouted and left the pool, walking towards her.

"Yes, it was. You should've seen your face." She was still laughing.

Then his expression changed and he wasn't pouting anymore. Instead he stopped walking and Rachel could see his face go white. "Rach, I don't feel very good," were his last words before he collapsed on the ground.

Rachel's laugh slowly faded away. For a second she thought he was joking again but something felt wrong. "Jesse? Come on, it's not funny." She ran towards him and started shaking his still wet body. "Jesse?! Jesse, stop it, it's not funny!" She was screaming now and her cries were so loud that his parents came running their way.

They gently pushed the little girl aside and tried to wake up their only son, while Rachel watched it all with tears streaming down her face. She finally realized that this was real. He didn't pretend to be dead. She knew that she'd never hear her best friend laugh again.

She knew it was her fault.

She scared him to death with that ball.

She knew he had a weak heart.

Since then no one heard Rachel laugh again.

Because it was her fault that Jesse died. And she never stopped blaming herself.

* * *

She didn't go to Jesse's funeral. She didn't want to look into his parents' eyes. Though they never blamed her, in her child's mind they had to hate her because she killed their son. And she didn't want to see the hate in their eyes. And the pain they felt.

Maybe because she felt the same.

She hated herself and the pain she felt was unbearable. She was only seven but already felt like an old woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Jesse's parents went to see her a few days after the funeral to tell her that they didn't blame her. To tell her that Jesse loved her and it wasn't her fault. He had a weak heart since he was born and it could happen anytime. They were leaving the town, not being able to spend more time in the place where everything reminded them of him. They told her they loved her as her own and wouldn't forget her. Rachel cried for the first time since her best friend died and they cried with her, all three of them hugging as if their lives depended on it.

Then they left and Rachel never saw them again.

Now at sixteen Rachel visited Jesse's grave every week. Even though she knew his parents visited his grave because she often found new flowers on the cold ground, they never met. They never contacted her except a few years ago when she got a letter from them. It wasn't a letter really. It was a picture of a baby girl, to tell her that they had another baby and Jesse had a sister. There was another picture too. It was her and her best friend in the garden when they were 'exchanging their vows.' She's never seen the picture before and didn't remember when it was taken. They looked so carefree and happy.

She found something else in the envelope too. It was a piece of paper and Rachel immediately recognized the childish handwriting on it. It was his. There was a note attached and she quickly read it.

'_Rachel. We're sure you know what this is. We accidentally found it in Jesse's stuff. We don't know why we didn't find it sooner but we decided it belonged to you because it was for you. Take care. We love you and we want you to be happy. PS: His sister looks just like him, don't you think?'_

She glanced at the picture of the little baby. She did look like him; she realized and traced her fingers along the baby's face. Then she finally gained the courage, blinked away the tears and read Jesse's note.

'_I, Jesse St. James take you Rachel Berry as my wife and I promise to love you forever and always because you're my best friend and I love you very much. I'll take care of you and I promise that we'll be happy. I'll buy you anything you want, I swear. Even that Barbra collection you want so much. And I promise not to make you cry again like when I said that Barbra wasn't that good of a singer. I just teased you and didn't mean it. I'm sorry for that. I really think she's a great singer__!__ So, that's all.'_

By then Rachel's face was completely wet from the tears and she couldn't see anymore. She remembered that. It was his last vow from the day he died. She didn't even know he wrote them down beforehand. She always thought he was just smart enough to come up with them on the spot.

God, he was so precious.

* * *

She got that letter three years ago. Jesse's sister would be almost four now. Rachel wanted to see if she still looked like her brother, if she was a happy child like him and if she had his curly hair. She did have their address that they left her when they moved away but she never tried to contact them. She didn't want to contact them until she forgave herself.

And that still hadn't happened.

* * *

_Reviews:_

_with love - Elincia:_ You will see the mix of Quinn's character in time. No one is always the same and that goes for Rachel too. Even though now she seems to be quiet and reserved, there's surely something deep inside of her from her past, when she was happy and confident.

_turnaroundchloe_: Rachel indeed is freaked out. She isn't used to such attention and now she's got it from all these people at once. It's weird and confusing. But she can't stay alone forever.

_LaurenKnight13 & thatdamnyank:_ You're going to find out why Santana and Brittany are being nice to her. Everything is for a reason and they definitely have one.

_Lee:_ Wow, thank you so much, that was a great compliment :)

_Guest:_ You'll see even more of a protective Santana ;)

_Again, thanks for ALL your reviews._


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: I'm really sorry it took so long. _

_Thank you for reading and all that stuff. Really. Thank you._

* * *

"_I know you can see me watching you when you play. Do you like to be watched, Rachel?"_

Rachel couldn't forget the words that the blonde had whispered to her. She repeated them in her head over and over again. Did she like being watched? She didn't know. Did she like the intimidating Quinn? Not so much. Did she like Quinn? She had no idea.

Rachel didn't know what exactly was happening between them but she knew it was dangerous. It could break all her rules, all the promises she made herself a long time ago. She couldn't deal with another human being, not after she already killed one. She couldn't let the girl break down all her walls she worked so hard on. She couldn't let her get close.

She had so many issues with herself that she couldn't deal with another person. The last thing she needed was caring about someone else. She was used to being alone and she didn't plane to change that fact anytime soon.

"Rach, you're not listening to us."

She lifted her head to see her parents worriedly staring at her. She was so lost in her own world, thinking about the blonde that she didn't even notice they were talking to her. "Sorry," she mumbled apologetically. "What were you saying?"

Her dad smiled at her. "I was just asking how school was this week. I heard you have a new student, Quinn Fabray."

That got Rachel's attention. "How do you know that? You know her?"

She watched his face morph to surprise because usually she wouldn't care about things like that. "No, but her mom works in the hospital. Judy. Such a lovely lady. She told me her daughter was going to your school."

"She's a doctor too?"

Her father happily grinned, flattered and happy about the sudden attention her daughter was giving to him. It was unusual situation to have a longer and willing conversation on the brunette's part.

"No, she's a nurse. Actually, this is her first job after almost two decades, could you believe it? She's never had to work after she got married, but after the divorce, she had to move from their New York apartment to Lima and start working because of the money."

Rachel was hanging on his every word. "Did she tell you all of this?"

"Yeah. Like I said she's a lovely lady and she likes to talk," he smirked. "Actually I'm thinking, we could invite her and her daughter to dinner, what do you think, Leroy? They must be really lonely in a new city." He looked at his husband who shrugged.

"Fine with me."

"No!"

Both adults turned their heads towards the screaming teenager, shocked over her reaction. "Why not?"

"Because…" She tried to come with a good excuse but found any. "Because I don't think it would be a good idea."

"And why is that?" They demanded.

Instead of the answer they got silence and after they decided Hiram would invite Judy to dinner along with Quinn, for the rest of the night they had to deal with their grumping daughter. Neither of them paid attention to it. They were used to it.

* * *

At school she avoided the blonde as much as she could. Just the thought about her was making her uncomfortable and she didn't want to be in her presence at all. True, she saw her a couple times since the school wasn't that big but she made sure to not make an eye contact. She knew she'd had to talk to her eventually because she still had the girl's hoodie and it was time to give it back.

"What's up, Berry?"

Rachel sighed heavily as she slowly closed her locker to turn around towards the voice.

"Hello, Santana." She glanced at the blonde next to her. "Brittany."

"Rachel, did you have fun with us on Friday? Because you wanted to leave so early. Did we do something wrong?" Brittany asked, biting her lip.

Rachel thought it looked like she was about to cry and she couldn't let that happen. "No, no. Of course not, Brittany. I was just really tired."

The cheerio immediately brightened. "Oh! So you'll sit with us at lunch?"

Rachel's eyebrows shot upwards. "What? No!"

The blonde pouted and she was about to say something when her girlfriend interrupted her. "That wasn't really a question, Berry. "

"Rachel," the brunette muttered quietly.

"What?"

Rachel lifted her chin up. "I said my name was Rachel."

The Latina frowned but other than that didn't comment on it. "From now you're going to sit with us, _Rachel_," she highlighted her name.

"And why exactly would I do that?" She had no intention to sit with the girls as they always sat with the jocks and cheerios and those weren't Rachel's favorite people.

"Because I said so. No one's going to eat you there, don't worry, Shorty," Santana answered confidently.

Rachel glared at her. "Don't call me that, I'm tall enough, thank you very much. And thanks for the invite but I'll pass," she added, turned around and left without another word.

Inside she was seething. Who did Santana think she was? She wasn't going to let the girl command her. She wasn't interested in being friends with them even though they did nothing but were nice to her so far. She wasn't interested in making friends with anyone. Not them, not Quinn.

Speaking of Quinn.

Rachel completely forgot they sat together in Spanish. She groaned when she spotted the blonde already sitting on her place and Rachel looked around, desperately searching for another free place. She found none. Without even a glance towards the blonde's direction she sat down on her own place and stared straight-ahead.

It was right when Mr. Schue walked in when she felt it. A light, barely a touch of another thigh pressed against hers. She shifted uncomfortably and moved her leg away but then felt a finger lightly touching her thigh. Rachel's eyes widened and she quickly turned her head in attempt to shot the blonde a death glare but she wasn't even looking at her. Quinn seemed to be fully occupied with the things Mr. Schue was saying and only a quirk of her lip was indicating that she knew exactly what she was doing.

Rachel grabbed Quinn's hand and while she ignored the warmth and softness of it, she swiftly removed it from her own leg. Satisfied, she moved her chair a little bit further from Quinn's and finally tried to concentrate. It wasn't long before she felt the fingers again, this time lazily tracing circles on her jeans covered thigh. She thanked God she chose to wear jeans today because she couldn't imagine what it would feel like on a naked skin. Well, she could but didn't want to because just the though was making her hot and bothered.

Irritated, she grabbed the blonde's hand again and placed it on Quinn's own leg but this time didn't let her go in attempt to stop her from moving it. She didn't realize how could it look like but when she felt Quinn's hand relax under her grip, she dropped her hand like burned.

She glanced the blonde's way and hissed. "Stop it right now."

She didn't know what kind of sick game Quinn was playing with her but she didn't like it at all. And even if she did, she wouldn't admit it. The blonde shot her an innocent smile but didn't say anything. She left her alone for the rest of the class and right after the bell finally rang, Rachel shot out from the room as fast as she could.

"Wait, Rachel!" She heard a voice behind her but didn't stop her movements. She recognized the voice immediately and the last thing she desired right now was to talk to Finn. Sadly for her his steps were bigger than hers, which meant that he didn't have any problems with catching up with her. She finally stopped after she realized her running was pretty much useless.

"What do you want, Finn?"

She looked at his flushed face and thought he looked stupid, all red in face and breathless. Shouldn't he be in a good shape being a jock?

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go to movies with me? Perhaps tonight?"

She sighed heavily. She thought Santana said she took care of it. "Finn, I'm really not in a mood for this right now."

"Hey, Hudson!"

The both turned around to see a very angry looking Latina making her way towards them. She actually looked kind of scary and Rachel wouldn't want to be in Finn's skin right now. She watched as Santana shoved her finger into Finn's chest. "I thought I warned you, you stupid oaf."

This made Finn visibly angry as he shoved her finger away. "I'm not stupid. And you have absolutely no right to tell me what to do."

But soon his angry face changed into fear in his eyes as he saw Santana's devilish smirk to appear on her pretty face.

"Oh really?" She asked with a big fake smile. "You and I both know that if I were you, I wouldn't jump too high, Finnept."

Rachel had no idea what she was talking about but watching Finn's reaction to that told her enough. Santana obviously had something on him and it had to be something big because the fear in his eyes was too obvious. She watched in amusement and curiosity as Finn stuttered an apology and didn't even glance in Rachel's direction after he turned around and almost ran away from the scene.

She finally turned to Santana. "What was that about?" She demanded.

The Latina smiled at her, this time a real smile. "I told you I'd make sure he'd leave you alone, didn't I?" She looked very satisfied with herself.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean that. You were obviously threatening him. What do you have on him?"

"Nothing you should care about, Shorty," she replied while ignoring the huffing Rachel. "And don't act like you don't like the nickname," she grinned at her. Rachel was shocked, she's never seen Santana grinning. Glaring, smirking or rolling her eyes, she saw that all the time. But grinning? Never.

"Oh look, your mysterious lover is here," she was looking behind Rachel's back and the brunette turned around to see the person Santana was talking about. In fact, the person was confidently walking towards them, looking straight at Rachel. When she was standing in front of them and Santana didn't seem to take a hint and leave, she smiled at the Latina, offering her hand.

"Hi, I'm Quinn."

Santana nodded, and even though the smile was long gone, she didn't seem unfriendly. She politely shook the blonde's hand. "Santana Lopez. You can call me Santana."

They both ignored the uneasiness they felt from Rachel. Santana crossed her arms and decided to be nosy. "So Fabray, I heard a lot of stuff about you."

Quinn's face hardened. "You did?"

"Yeah. Is there any truth in there?"

The blonde raised her eyebrow and Rachel tried to ignore the strange feelings she felt at the sight of that. Angry Quinn was kind of hot. "Depends on what you heard."

Santana finally took a hint and decided it was time to leave the scene. "Whatever, let's have this conversation some other day." She turned her head towards Rachel and gently touched her shoulder. "See you later, Shorty." She nodded to Quinn's direction and took off.

They were alone now and Rachel nervously shuffled her feet. She hated herself for being so nervous in Quinn's presence.

"So my mom called me that we have a dinner together tonight. Should be fun, huh?"

Rachel's eyes widened. She feared this moment. She knew her Dad was going to invite them but she had no idea it would be so soon. Suddenly she regretted that she didn't agree with Finn's invite and wondered if it was too late. She blinked when she realized Quinn was still talking.

"Mom was so excited to finally make some kind of friends in this shitty town," she rolled her hazel eyes. "I mean, nothing against you, but I don't understand how someone can live here."

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows. "You live here too now."

Quinn actually looked shocked. It seemed like she didn't expect Rachel to say something. "Well, yes but not for long, hopefully. I'm going to back to New York right after I graduate."

The brunette wondered if Quinn remembered what was she doing just a few minutes ago in Spanish class because right now she acted like absolutely nothing happened back there. She decided to let it go as well. "That's nice. I'm gonna go," she said and walked away without even a goodbye. She did hear a quiet "see you" called after her but didn't turn back.

She most certainly didn't look forward to tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: So I decided to deliver this chapter sooner than I originally wanted to. It's the long awaited dinner chapter. I hope you won't be disappointed. If so, then I'm really sorry. _

_Anyway, enjoy. And as always, thank you for reading and all the other stuff. Keep them coming. And thank you, my dear beta nataliving._

* * *

When Rachel came home from school, she found her dad making dinner. "What are you making?" She asked. Even though she was still upset about their guests, it didn't mean she would go hungry.

Her dad was dressed in his favorite apron, which said _'I'd be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees'_. Rachel was the one who bought him that even though she herself was a proud vegan. Her dad looked at her and smiled. "Pasta. Your favorite."

"Vegan?" She was making sure while curiously looking in the pots.

He shook his head. "No, but don't worry, I'm making vegan pasta especially for you. You won't go hungry," he winked at her and gave her a kiss on the head after she quickly hugged him.

"Hello to you too, baby. How was school today?"

"I'm sorry for acting like a brat yesterday," she mumbled into his chest. She loved her dads and she knew she didn't show them her love enough.

He caressed her hair. "It's okay, sweetie. I know that you don't like strangers. But Judy is very nice and I'm sure her daughter is as well."

Rachel only nodded and scooted even closer to him. She didn't tell him that she already knew the daughter. It wasn't necessary and she didn't want to talk about how they knew each other.

"Oh, I want a hug too," she heard her daddy exclaim when he spotted them. She finally let go of her dad and hugged her other parent almost as tight. "So what are we celebrating?" Leroy asked after they pulled apart.

Rachel questioningly raised her eyebrows. "I mean with all the hugging and all," he explained. Rachel's parents weren't used to the affection, she didn't like physical contact very much and they accepted that.

"Nothing. I just love you guys," she said nonchalantly and left to her room.

She didn't see the confused looks her parents exchanged.

* * *

Rachel was standing in front of her closet just with the towel around her body, trying to find something to wear. She wanted to look good in front of their guests, no matter that she didn't want to have them in her house. She finally picked her favorite black skirt and a simple black tank top. Black was a good color, she liked black.

She didn't realize it was six o'clock already when she heard the doorbell ring and after a while her dad called for her to come down. She looked at herself for the last time and with a deep breath she walked downstairs. She spotted them immediately, standing in the hallway and chatting with her parents.

"And this is our daughter, Rachel," her daddy introduced her after she came down to meet them.

Before her mom could say anything, Quinn was faster. "I know, we already know each other from school," she smiled at the brunette.

The adults exchanged surprised looks. "You do?" Leroy glanced at her daughter who merely nodded. He didn't ask why she didn't tell them about it.

"Well, that's great then, isn't it?" Quinn's mom interrupted with a big genuine smile on her face. She offered her hand to Rachel. "It's nice to meet you, darling, I've heard a lot about you."

The brunette politely shook her hand. She didn't smile back but she was trying to be as polite as she could. "It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Fabray."

The older blonde laughed. "Oh please, call me Judy. Mrs. Fabray makes me sound old."

Rachel nodded. "It's Judy then."

The brunette was amazed by the resemblance between the mother and the daughter. They looked so much alike it was scary. The same soft blonde hair, the same hazel eyes and even the same full lips. They had the same slim figure and were even the same height. You could see their differences after you got closer look to their faces. Quinn's face was young and fresh, and didn't have any wrinkles. On the other hand, her mom's face looked tired even when she smiled and you could literally see in her face that she didn't have an easy life. Rachel wondered why she got divorced and where was Quinn's father.

"Shall we eat then?" It was one of her dads who asked and they all nodded and headed towards the dining room.

"You have a lovely house," Judy commented as they all sat down.

Rachel tried to hide a groan when Quinn sat down next to her. She was sure she made it on purpose.

"Thank you dear," her daddy, Leroy, answered. "I heard a lot about you," he said and subconsciously squeezed his husband's hand. Rachel watched Quinn's reaction at this. The blonde's stare was fixed on their joined hands but then she noticed that Rachel was looking at her and she quickly averted her gaze. "Why did you move here?" Her daddy continued while her other dad placed the food on the table. He declined the offered help with a smile.

"You have a cool apron, Mr. Berry," Quinn pointed at his apron which he was still wearing.

Hiram laughed. "Thank you. It was a gift from Rachel on my last birthday. The funny thing is that she's a vegan and even the smell of bacon makes her sick," he winked at his daughter who just shrugged.

"It's disgusting," she mumbled under her breath.

"What? It's delicious!" Her head snapped in Quinn's direction, who was staring at her in disbelief. "Actually, it's the most delicious food ever!"

"Wait until you taste my homemade pasta," Hiram winked at the blonde.

Rachel didn't feel like fighting with Quinn about something so stupid, so she kept her mouth shut.

Leroy didn't want to give his daughter even a chance to start a fight, so he decided to break the tension suddenly forming between them by completely changing the subject. "So what we were talking about? Oh yes, I asked why did you move here? I mean, I know you're from New York and Lima isn't a town where New Yorkers would go," he explained.

Judy gave him a little smile. "I'm actually from here. I was born here but then I went to college in New York and got married there. My parents lived here until their death and they left me their house, which we live in now. After I got divorced, I didn't want to stay in New York and since I didn't have any money, I figured it'd be best for us if we came back here. It was a long time ago since I last visited this town though and I hardly know anyone anymore."

Her daddy nodded sympathetically. "It had to be hard for you to move back. Especially when you didn't know anyone here."

"It was. I had to find a job after almost twenty years of being a housewife and Quinnie had to leave all her friends and everything she knew." She glanced at her daughter who reached across the table to squeeze her hand.

"It's fine, mom."

Rachel fascinated watched their interaction. It was obvious they were close to each other and that they've been through a lot. Obviously there were many things she didn't know about the blonde.

The older blonde discreetly wiped the tears from her eyes. Her dad reached to gently touch her shoulder in an attempt to soothe her but she just smiled at him. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Just little teary. We have a new life here and I hope we'll be finally happy." She looked at her daughter again and gave her hand a tight squeeze on her own.

* * *

After the dinner which everyone found delicious, the adults moved to the living room and told the girls to entertain themselves in the basement. It wasn't a basement really. It was a soundproof place where Rachel had her piano, all kinds of old records – mostly Barbra's of course and jazz, which her dads listened to and a couch with a big TV in front of it. It was something like their second living room, except they built it especially for Rachel and her music passion. Along with her piano, there were a couple of guitars and even drums from the phase when she didn't know what she wanted to play on. She played on drums when she was angry, which she was more often than she liked.

Rachel wasn't particularly happy about taking Quinn to her shrine but it was better than taking her to her room. She noticed that Quinn was amazed after they walked in and saw the basement for the first time. For a second, Rachel felt smug and proud. She decorated it herself after all. She should be proud of it.

"This is amazing, Rachel," the blonde breathed out while carefully touching the framed posters of Broadway shows hanging on the walls.

The other girl blushed, not being used to compliments. And this was one, right? "Thanks," she muttered uncertainly.

"No really, this is amazing. It has all the things I'd want too." She glanced Rachel's way. "Have you ever been to Broadway?"

Rachel blushed even more. "No," she said ashamed. It was her biggest dream but Quinn didn't need to know that. The less Quinn knew about her the better.

But she didn't give her a chance. "Do you want to?" She was looking right at her, awaiting the answer.

Rachel couldn't lie under that stare. "I'd like to," she answered truthfully.

Quinn nodded and didn't enlarge on it. Rachel was thankful for it. She watched as the blonde stepped towards her piano and let her fingers gently tracing it. She caressed it as a baby. She looked at Rachel again. "Is this yours?"

Not being able to give her a proper answer, the brunette just nodded. She was mesmerized by the sight of Quinn sitting down behind the piano and pressing down the keys. She knew how to play, Rachel realized suddenly. The melody she played was an actual melody, it wasn't just pressing down the keys.

"You play." It wasn't a question.

The blonde stopped and locked her eyes with Rachel's. "There are many things you don't know about me, Rachel."

Did Rachel want to know them? She'd like to say she didn't but she'd be lying to herself. She wanted to know everything about her. But she couldn't say it out lout. There were many things she couldn't say out loud. It would destroy everything.

So she just nodded, accepting the answer.

"I'll stop watching you when you play at school," the blonde said suddenly. "I know it makes you uncomfortable."

Rachel wanted to say it didn't, that she got used to it. It was _their_ thing and she didn't want it to be over. But she wouldn't tell her that. Instead she just nodded again.

"The things kids say about me," Quinn changed the subject again. "Some of them are true."

The brunette couldn't stop herself before asking. "Which ones?" She slowly walked towards the piano and sat down on the opposite side of the piano bench, careful not to move too close to the blonde. She didn't seem to notice.

"I got kicked out of school. That's actually when my mom decided it was time to change the environment. I'd had some problems in and outside of school, and I wasn't handling it well."

Rachel wanted to ask which kind of problems but it was obvious the blonde wasn't ready for that, so she remained quiet.

Quinn didn't continue and instead she got quiet as well before speaking again. "You're not like other people, you know. I've never met someone like you," she admitted quietly.

Rachel had a feeling that Quinn was seeing straight into her heart. The intense gaze was intimidating and she shifted in her seat.

"I'm nothing special," she tried to sound normal and hoped her voice wasn't trembling.

Quinn gave her a small smile. "I have a feeling you are, actually. And I also have a feeling that something terrible happened to you and that's why you refuse to let anyone in."

At this Rachel's face immediately hardened and Quinn knew she made a mistake. "I didn't mean… I'm sorry, it's none of my business," she tried to apologize but unsuccessfully since Rachel was already on her feet, glaring at her.

"You're right, it's not. You don't know anything. You don't know me," she said, her voice cold and harsh.

Quinn stood in front of her in a second. "You're right, I don't. And I'm really sorry, Rachel. I didn't mean to be nosy. I just…" She waved her hands in desperation. "I don't know how to explain this but I feel drawn to you and I can't stop it. I don't want to stop it," she admitted softly and gently took Rachel's hand into her own. "Please, Rachel," she begged, not breaking their eye contact for a second.

Rachel stared at her in silence and after a while she removed her hand from Quinn's. She looked down, finally breaking their eye contact. "I don't know what you want from me," she whispered. "But I know I can't give it to you. I don't even know you and… I just can't. It would ruin everything."

She lifted her head again and saw Quinn's shoulder sank in defeat. She watched her nod her head before speaking again. "Okay, I understand. Even though I don't know what it'd ruin, I'm not going to stop trying. I think you need to trust someone, Rachel. You can't be alone forever. No one wants to be alone forever, not even you."

And before Rachel had a chance to reply, she left the basement.

When they were leaving, Rachel quickly but politely told them bye, not daring to look into Quinn's eyes and then quickly retreated to her room where she cried herself to sleep.

She knew Quinn was right. No one wanted to be alone forever. Not even her. So why did it feel like she would end up just like that?


	7. Chapter 7

The next couple of days at school were hell for Rachel. Quinn kept on her promise; she didn't sneak in to watch Rachel play anymore. She didn't make an effort to even acknowledge her and it broke Rachel's heart even though it was exactly what she wanted. In Spanish Quinn didn't even glance in Rachel's direction no matter that they sat next to each other.

The brunette was used to being ignored but until now she didn't know how the loneliness could hurt. Not even Finn talked to her anymore, and since Santana with Brittany were away on some cheerio competition and wouldn't be back until the end of the week, she had absolutely no one who talked to her or even acknowledged her. Except the few slushies that were thrown at her face.

It wasn't new for her. She really was used to it.

Then why did it hurt so much now?

* * *

It was finally Friday and Santana with Brittany were finally back. Rachel found herself to actually look forward to their arrival and didn't mentally curse when she saw them approaching her in the hall.

"What's up, Berry? I mean Rachel," Santana winked at her when she saw the frown on Rachel's face.

"Hey, Rachel! Did you miss us? I had to leave Mr. Tubbington at home too and now he doesn't talk to me. Do you still talk to me, Rachel?" Brittany poured out in one breath. She was expectantly staring at the brunette.

Rachel almost smiled at the blonde's cuteness. Almost. "Of course I'm still talking to you, Brittany. How was your competition?" She didn't know if she asked out of politeness or because she actually cared.

Brittany excitingly squealed and in one quick motion hugged Rachel who froze. No one hugged her. She barely let people even touch her and here was Brittany, hugging her with all her life. When she finally got over the shock, she tried to relax a little but was unsuccessful. She patted the blonde's back awkwardly, hoping for her to pull away soon. She didn't even realize the cheerio was talking. "I'm so glad you're not mad at us, Rach! I was really worried and didn't want to leave but Santana said you'd be okay for a few days." She finally let her go but still held her arms. Her brows furrowed. "Were you okay, Rachel? Nothing bad happened to you while we were gone?"

Rachel remembered the feeling of loneliness and the slushies the jocks threw at her face. She shook her head. "No, everything's was fine." She hoped she didn't sound as she felt. Broken.

There must be something wrong with the way she said it because she watched Santana's eyes narrow. "What happened while we were away?"

"Nothing."

"Don't you dare lie to me, Rachel."

Rachel let out a heavy sigh, knowing she lost this one. "Just the usual. Slushies," she muttered quietly.

Then she felt Brittany's tighten her grip on Rachel's arms and saw the worried expression she gave her girlfriend who raised her eyebrow. "Who was it? It couldn't be the cheerios because we were all gone and I literally told them that if they touch you again, I'd kick them out of the squad," the Latina was mumbling more for herself than for them.

Wait a minute. Rachel didn't know that. She had no idea that Santana did something like that. Something for her. She was staring at the Latina in disbelief.

"Did you really do that?"

The cheerio actually blushed. "Well, duh." She didn't say anything more and even if Rachel was desperate to know why she did that, she remained silent.

The other cheerio finally let go of her completely and now was standing next to her. "Seriously Rachel, who did it to you?" The blonde demanded, actually looking pissed off. Rachel has never seen Brittany mad. And she wasn't happy about the fact that she caused it.

"You know what, it's not important," she said and tried to walk away but they didn't let her. She was stopped by the Latina's hand. She slowly turned around and saw a very worried looking cheerio pleadingly staring into her eyes.

"Give me names. Please. I'll make it stop. You don't deserve this, Rachel."

At this Rachel decided it was time to stop fighting the Latina. It was obvious Santana wanted to help her and why shouldn't she let her? Finally she took a heavy breath and biting her lip whispered. "Azimio."

Then she tried to walk away again, not wanting to see what the Latina was going to do to him when they were all stopped by said boy yelling for help. When they looked over their shoulders, they saw the jock on his knees holding his bloody nose. And above him standing a very furious Quinn.

They were already crowds of people surrounding them, but with Santana it wasn't hard to go right to the scene. Everyone was standing with their mouths open in shock and Rachel was no exception. She didn't know what was happening or what Azimio did to Quinn, but it must've been something bad. She had never seen her furious. She was literally seething from rage and Rachel looked around to see some teacher but right now there was no one who could save the poor guy.

Then she heard it. His begging. "I won't ever touch her again, I promise. Please," he started sobbing and Rachel didn't know if she wanted to laugh at him or save him.

No one dared to intervene. Not even Santana. She heard Brittany quietly mumbling "stop the violence" but other than that, there was no one who wanted to save Azimio's ass. And when Rachel finally locked eyes with Quinn, she realized one thing.

That Quinn broke Azimio's nose because of her.

* * *

Everything calmed down after Coach Sylvester finally stepped in and saved Azimio from more humiliation. Quinn didn't hurt him anymore, but all was done and said. Everyone knew why she did it after she made the boy to apologize to Rachel on his knees. Rachel didn't want that, really. But she knew she couldn't stop the angry blonde.

All three of them were taken to the principal and while Azimio was inside, he told Figgins about how all of that was his fault and Quinn didn't do anything (he had to do that after Santana threatened him with even more humiliation), Quinn and Rachel sat outside the principal office, opposite to each other.

After a while Rachel dared to glance towards the blonde's direction. She was staring into the wall, acting like the brunette wasn't even there. Rachel cleared her throat. "Thank you," she finally managed to say.

That one word woke up Quinn from her trance and met her eyes. "You're welcome."

"Why did you do that?" Rachel didn't even know how Quinn knew about the slushies. They happened in the hallway, so it's possible that she saw it. But Rachel never noticed her.

Quinn shrugged. "Because he deserved it."

Rachel didn't understand. Why was suddenly everyone protecting her? No one even noticed her in her 17 years and suddenly there were a bunch of people who were willing to fight for her.

"No, I mean why did you do that?"

Quinn's gaze snapped back up to meet hers. "I don't think you'd believe me if I told you," she said sincerely.

"Why not?"

The blonde sadly smiled at her. "You tell me."

Rachel questioningly raised her eyebrow. She wanted to say more but they were interrupted by the teacher telling Quinn to come in. She offered Rachel one last look before she disappeared in the principal's office.

* * *

Rachel later learned that because Azimio took all the blame, Quinn's only punishment was detention. After the principal called her in, she said she didn't see anything and they let her be. It wasn't difficult to lie – she was invisible and not important.

She didn't see Quinn after their talk. She didn't know what Quinn meant when she said she wouldn't believe her. She wouldn't believe what exactly? For others it would be easy to see why Quinn did it. But for Rachel it was impossible to believe that someone would stand up for her like that. To protect her. And that was the reason why she couldn't let herself believe that Quinn or Santana and Brittany genuinely cared for her.

She was sure their interest in her would soon fade away.

* * *

"Dad, I'm home!" She yelled after she came home from school but only the quiet answered her. Weird, she was sure she saw dad's car on driveway. She checked all the rooms but found no one, so she went back to the kitchen where she found a note attached to the fridge.

'_We went on a dinner with dad's colleague from the hospital. Will be back late, don't wait up. Love you.'_

Rachel let out a sigh. It wasn't anything unusual for her parents to stay out late, so she didn't make a big deal of it. She was used to be on her own after all. When she entered her room to have a little nap, the first thing she noticed was Quinn's hoodie lying on her bed. She couldn't stop herself from coming to the bed and grabbing the hoodie to smell it. She wanted to know if it still smelled of Quinn.

It did.

She had to give it back to its owner, she finally decided as she put it in her closet. And she would do it tomorrow before she'd change her mind. Shaking her head she cursed herself for even thinking she would keep it.

Just when she had lay down and closed her eyes to escape the world for a while, she heard a door bell. She groaned, already thinking of not answering it. It was someone for one of her dads anyway since Rachel never got visits. After realizing the sad truth she was even less willing to open the door for an unwanted visitor. She closed her eyes again and tried to ignore the persistent ringing but when it never stopped, she cursed but got up to answer it.

She was ready to tell the whoever it was to fuck off immediately – in a nice way, of course – but after she opened the door, suddenly she couldn't speak. Rachel's eyes comically widened at the sight of the person standing in front of her.

And then the person spoke.

"Hi, Rachel."


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: Hi, lovely people. I just wanted to thank you all for your favorites, follows and of course reviews. I also have to thank my beta nataliving._

_I really hope you won't be disappointed with this chapter as I'm quite proud of it. It's the longest one so far. And my personal favorite._

_So please, tell me what you think.  
_

_Enjoy._

* * *

"Hi, Rachel."

'_What are you doing here?'_ was the only sentence Rachel could think of at that moment but she couldn't force herself to speak at all. She just stared at the woman in front of her wide-eyed and suddenly she felt sick.

The woman noticed it. "Are you okay?" She asked, worry written on her face.

Rachel mentally face palmed herself. She knew this day would come and now here it was. She couldn't postpone it forever; she had to deal with that. Even though she always thought she would be the one approaching them, not vice versa. But here they were now and she knew she couldn't run away. Not anymore.

She cleared her throat before daring to speak. "Yeah, I'm fine. Come in." She moved aside and made a place for the woman to come in.

She watched her every move as the visitor came inside and looked around. "Nothing really changed here, huh?" She met Rachel's eyes and smiled.

"Not really, my dads don't like changes very much," she truthfully answered.

There was still a smile playing out on the woman's lips. "Yeah, I remember that."

Rachel nervously fidgeted. "Uhmm, would you like a coffee or something?"

"Coffee would be nice, thank you."

"Okay, make yourself at home in the living room, I'll be right back," she said and disappeared in the kitchen as fast as she could. She had no idea why the older woman was here and she wasn't sure if she even wanted to know. She knew she wasn't ready for facing all the memories but she couldn't tell Jesse's mom to fuck off either. So she made the coffee and tried to hide that she felt like a nervous wreck as she entered the living room.

Jesse's mom was already sitting on the sofa, and Rachel decided to sit opposite to her on the couch. She let her eyes to wander the woman's face to realize that she looked still the same. True, she was years older and you could see that, but it was still her best friend's mom—who had his eyes and his curls. Rachel remembered the times when she could tell her everything. She always thought of Mrs. St. James like a mother, and she knew that the older woman thought of Rachel as her daughter. But times had changed and now Rachel didn't know what to tell her. She nervously shifted in her seat and waited.

"I know you're probably surprised to see me," the woman started. There was nothing for Rachel to say so she just nodded and waited for more. "I didn't want to surprise you like this, but I was afraid that if I called you first, you wouldn't want to meet me," she explained.

"I wouldn't do that."

"And I know it's been a long time but I needed to talk to you." Jesse's mom seemed quite nervous as well, Rachel realized. Maybe it was Rachel's fault; maybe seeing her brought all the memories back and now she regretted meeting the brunette. In Rachel's mind everything was possible. Especially when it came down to Jesse's parents.

"About what?"

The woman sipped from her coffee and placed it back down on the tray before breathing out. "We're moving back to the town. And I wanted you to find out from me."

"Oh?"

"Peter got a job offer here in town and after weeks of weighting our options, we decided it was time to come back and face the reality," she finished.

Rachel didn't know what to say. She didn't expect this, not at all.

But the woman opposite to her demanded her answer. "Say something, Rachel."

"I don't know what to say," she answered honestly. "I mean, it's great. I don't see a reason why you shouldn't do that."

"Rachel," the woman started and gently took Rachel's hand into her own. "Listen to me. You're not a child anymore and I know this can be hard for you. I mean, I come into your life all of a sudden without warning and it brings all these memories to you."

Rachel's gaze snapped back up to meet hers. "It's not hard for me, Mrs. St. James."

At that Jesse's mom smiled but it was a sad, painful smile and she let go of Rachel's hand. "Mrs. St. James, huh? You used to call me Annie."

"That was a long time ago," the brunette snapped, slowly losing her control.

The woman sighed. "I think it's time to forgive yourself, Rachel. We never blamed you for Jesse's death, you must know that. I feel like you'll waste your whole life blaming yourself and not letting yourself to be happy. You need to stop that, sweetie," she was saying in a soft, soothing voice but it had the exact opposite effect on Rachel.

She stood up, now furious. "How dare you? You don't know anything about my life! Did you already forget that you left me when I needed you the most?" She knew she was already crying but didn't even bother to wipe away the tears.

The other woman tried to say something but she didn't let her. "No, now I'm the one talking here. I was only a child and I didn't know what to do with myself when he left me. After I killed him. Because yes, I was the one who killed him. No matter what you say, it's still the horrible truth. So tell me, _Annie_, where the fuck were you when I killed my best friend, your son and I needed you to tell me everything was going to be okay? Where were you when I cried myself to sleep every fucking night for years and never stopped? You left me just like he did, but what you did was so much worse."

She desperately tried to stop the tears pouring from her eyes but it didn't work. So she furiously wiped them away, and ignored the lump in her throat along with the shocked face of the older woman. "Because unlike him you did it willingly." She sniffed and before she could change her mind, she said one last thing. "So tell me, how dare you to come into my life after all these years and tell me how to live my life? You have no right. You have absolutely no right to tell me things like that. But you're right in one thing. I can't forgive myself for what I did. But tell me, how could you forgive yourself for abandoning a little girl who was falling apart and needed you so badly? You were like my own mother, _Annie_. And you left me just like him. So please, leave. I can't deal with this anymore."

She slumped deep into the couch and didn't even notice when the woman disappeared, leaving her with all the pain and memories by herself. Rachel felt herself going into a panic mode every time she breathed, every time Jesse's face appeared in front of her.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her back and she spotted a worried looking Quinn kneeling down in front of her. Rachel had no idea how did she get there and if she saw any of it but she didn't have the strength to tell her go away. There was a mounting pain at the back of her throat and she couldn't speak, couldn't do anything except cry.

She felt Quinn's hand touching her shoulder. She sat down next to the sobbing Rachel, stroking her back. Then Rachel heard a violent, choking sound and immediately she realized that it was her who let it out. She could hear the soft whispering coming from the blonde next to her, the soothing words that didn't help but she couldn't force herself to tell her to stop. She made one last attempt to stop the tears by trying to dry her eyes on her shirtsleeve, but they kept coming no matter how hard she tried. She finally realized she was utterly powerless to stop them.

Rachel felt Quinn's attempts to calm her down, to pull her close to her own body but she couldn't let her. "Don't, please. Let me be. Please! I can't… I can't…" The sobs burst out with each word. She couldn't breathe, she was falling apart.

"Please, Rachel. Let me. Please," she could hear the soothing voice but she was unable to stop fighting her. "Please, let me hold you."

She couldn't stop the sobs running in shock waves through her body. She couldn't stop the burning pain in her throat as she unsuccessfully tried to calm herself. Suddenly, she felt a pair of strong arms around her pulling her close to the blonde's body and she tried to resist one more time but she was drained with all the strength. She finally gave up. Still sobbing, she pressed her face against the curve of Quinn's neck, her hands clutching at the back of her shirt as if she might disappear.

Rachel clung to her with all her strength she never knew she had, refusing to let go, but Quinn didn't seem to mind. She held her tightly while gently rocking them back and forth, one hand stroking her back and the other one caressing her hair. "It's going to be okay, Rachel. I promise. I promise."

* * *

She slowly opened her eyes to find herself staring at the familiar ceiling. She was in her bedroom, she realized, but she couldn't remember how she got there. She winced at the throbbing pain in her head, silently wishing she was still asleep. She felt as if a truck ran over her and she groaned before turning over and that's when she froze in shock. When she finally saw the warm body sleeping peacefully next to her, all the memories of previous night finally hit her and she remembered everything. Everything except how she got in her bed and how Quinn ended up sleeping next to her. The sleeping blonde shifted a little and let her arm sling over Rachel's belly. Quinn was still fast asleep pressed up against her own body, now breathing contently with her arm lazily draped over her.

It felt strange, lying in her own bed with the blonde sleeping next to her. Her leg was pressed against Rachel's and the brunette could feel the warmth radiating from the other girl. She turned her head carefully to take a better look at the sleeping form. She's never been this close to her, not even in the restroom in Breadstix. It was strange but fascinating at the same time to observe her at such close range: Quinn's skin looked so smooth and Rachel felt the need to touch her face but she stopped herself before she could wake her up. She had incredibly long eyelashes that covered her now closed beautiful hazel eyes, a delicate nose unlike hers and Rachel finally stopped her gaze to look at Quinn's full lips. Indeed, they looked kissable, and for a second she wondered what it would be like to really kiss them. To taste them. Just one taste. One little…

Suddenly Quinn shifted, her arm slowly sliding up Rachel's abdomen and the brunette forgot how to breathe. Finally the blonde opened her eyes and for a long moment just stared at the girl next to her. Then she smiled with a soft, sleepy smile. "Good morning."

"Morning."

Rachel unintentionally glanced down at the arm still draped over her and Quinn followed her gaze to realize where her arm was. She retracted it quickly and blushing softly, she mumbled an apology. After that she struggled to sit up, apologizing again. "I'm so sorry. I somehow fell asleep in your bed. I didn't plan it, I swear. I wanted to lie down on the floor but you were still crying and I didn't want you to be alone and... and..." She was struggling with words, blushing furiously.

The brunette finally decided to end her suffering and gently placed her hand on Quinn's arm. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad."

She watched Quinn quirk her eyebrow. "You're not?"

"No."

The blonde visibly relaxed. "Oh. Okay then."

Rachel sat up as well. "We should probably go and grab something to eat. You must be hungry," she said already standing up. She realized she was still in clothes she wore yesterday and silently thanked Quinn for not undressing her last night. She couldn't deal with more humiliation. "But first I'm going to take a shower and change clothes. I can lend you some shorts, and I still have your hoodie that you can wear if you—" She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw Quinn, who was still sitting in her bed, smirking. "What? What's so funny?"

The blonde shook her head, still smiling. "Nothing. You're just cute when you're rambling."

Rachel immediately felt herself blush. "Right. Umm… you can use my bathroom and I'll use the other one. There's a clean towel inside." She then placed a shorts and Quinn's hoodie on the bed and quickly took off, not wanting for Quinn to see her flushed face any longer.

Rachel wondered if Quinn would want to talk about what happened last night. She wasn't sure she could talk about it. It was the first time in years since she let anyone to see her break down like that, but somehow she knew there was no point of running anymore. At least not from Quinn. She still wasn't sure how she ended up in Rachel's house, but the brunette was glad she did. If it wasn't for Quinn, Rachel didn't know how last night would have ended. But she had a feeling it wouldn't have been nice. So yes, in the end Rachel was glad that Quinn found her. And saved her from herself.

* * *

She made her way downstairs when she realized that she didn't hear her parents anywhere. She looked around and there was a note attached to the fridge.

"_Honey, we didn't want to wake you up when we saw you two sleeping peacefully. We both have to work unexpectedly and will be back late. Don't wait up. PS: We are glad you found a new friend in Quinn. She really is a nice girl. Love, dads."_

Any other time, Rachel wouldn't have been happy that her parents had to work on weekend, but today she was perfectly okay with it. It was better this way.

She quickly took a shower and went back to her room, stopping in the doorway. There, in the middle of her bedroom, stood a half-naked Quinn only in towel around her torso drying her hair and it literally took Rachel's breath away. Quinn had her back turned to Rachel and hadn't notice her in the doorway yet, so Rachel had a perfect opportunity to look at the blonde's body. She let her eyes wander down the blonde's frame and took in the beauty in front of her. Quinn was beautiful; there was no doubt of it.

Then, as if the blonde sensed something, she looked over her shoulder and froze. They both could instantly feel the tension in the air. As Quinn slowly turned around, Rachel finally moved from the doorway and started taking slow, uncertain steps towards the girl standing shyly in front of her. Neither of them spoke. There was no point.

Finally, Rachel was standing in front of Quinn, invading her personal space. She could see the other's girl chest starting to move quicker with deep, heavy breaths. She was nervous, Rachel could see that. Quinn's face was flushed and the brunette wondered if hers was as well. She herself wasn't nervous. Not anymore. All she wanted was standing right in front of her and there was no point of denying it anymore. She was drawn to her; she couldn't stop herself for feeling all these things she felt. It was deep inside of her and it was time to act on it. It was time to stop being so damn scared all the time.

So when she watched Quinn closing her eyes in anticipation after she started tracing her fingers along the girl's face, she decided it was time. Time to feel again.

She stopped her movements for a second and it made Quinn open her eyes. They were now so dark, Rachel realized, surprised. Was she the reason for that? Was it her who made Quinn all flushed? There was no sound around them, she noticed. All you could hear at that moment was their heavy breathing and it overwhelmed Rachel. It was like nothing existed except for the two of them. It made her feel things. Things she never felt before.

Rachel's gaze flicked down to the blonde's lips. She never wanted anything more. She watched Quinn wet her lips unconsciously and she automatically did the same. There was one last step before them and neither of them seemed to want to be the first who crossed it. Eventually, they both closed their eyes and leaned in, blindly searching for each other's lips. First, there was just a light—barely even a touch of two pairs of lips—but after they got the first taste, they immediately wanted more. They leaned in again in unison, but this time with added pressure and urgency. They heard a moan, but neither of them knew which one let it out. They didn't care, though. Because this was it. The missing piece both of them felt all their lives.

It was Rachel who first broke the kiss, slowly pulling away. She was still holding Quinn's face with no intention to let go when she whispered. "What are we doing?"

"We're feeling," was the immediate reply before she was pulled back and, wasting no time, Quinn connected their lips once again.


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Glad to see I didn't disappoint you with the previous chapter ;) Now I'm going to answer some of your amazing reviews (all of them are amazing, of course)._

puckleberry4ever:_ I love St. Berry as friends (and like them as a couple) and Jesse as a character, so I had to have them as friends in this fic too. I really really like their connection._

thatdamnyank_: Well, then I hope you'll be satisfied with this chapter. Some of the questions will be answered :)_

CarmellaD'Winter_: Thank you. You're going to find out about Santana/Brittany sudden interest in friendship with Rachel very soon. Very very soon. About the other questions, let's take some time with that. I can't reveal everything so soon, can I? ;)_

karagail:_ Thank you, I think the line "we're feeling" fits very well with the whole scene and I'm really glad you like it too._

FaberryOTP:_ Haha, no, Quinn's definitely not an angel but I agree, there is something magical between them, isn't it?_

Guest:_ Did they know each other before school? Who knows… But you're going to find out everything, don't worry. And thank you._

w1cked:_ I know a lot of you were expecting it to be Quinn at the door, not Jesse's mom but I felt like Rachel needed to face the past finally. And I don't think it's really important how Quinn got in the house. Important is that she was there. Maybe some magic, that she's always there when Rachel needs her? Who knows…_

ShadowCub:_ I'm sorry you don't like this version of Rachel but there is a reason why she acts like that. She's not perfect. No one is._

_Once again, I'm grateful for ALL your reviews, every single one of them._

_Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think.  
_

* * *

"So…"

Rachel looked at the blonde lying next to her while still lazily tracing her fingers over Quinn's bare stomach. "So?" She asked, raising her eyebrow.

Until now Quinn was lying on her back staring at the ceiling but shifted a bit, so she could lie on her side. They were now face to face and Rachel subconsciously smiled when she felt Quinn caressing her hair. "I love it when you smile," the blonde mumbled before placing a soft kiss on Rachel's mouth. "You…" a kiss, "have…" another peck, "a beautiful smile." This time she lingered, not wanting to let go. Eventually she pulled away but not before placing one last kiss on the brunette's nose.

Rachel dreamily smiled again. "Maybe I should do it more often."

Quinn chuckled. "Oh, you definitely should."

It was silent for a moment as they simply enjoyed each other's presence. Then Quinn broke the quiet again. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked seriously, staring into Rachel's eyes. "You don't have to," she assured her immediately.

"No, no. It's okay, I want to."

The blonde nodded. "Okay."

Rachel let out a deep, nervous sigh. She never talked about that with anyone and knowing there would be no turning back suddenly frightened her. She knew she wouldn't change her mind. She had to tell someone before it could eat her alive.

And there was Quinn lying next to her, so close their noses almost touched, looking at her with loving, sincere eyes, and Rachel finally realized she could trust her.

"Jesse was my best friend when I was little. One day we were hanging out in his pool and he pretended to be dead." She rolled her eyes. "He did that a lot. He loved to tease me. Anyway, I knew he was just playing around, so I grabbed the ball from the ground and threw it at him. It startled him and I found it hilarious. You should've seen his face." Rachel's eyes darkened when she remembered the following events, but there was a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she knew she could keep going. "He had a weak heart and I knew it. I just didn't…. I didn't realize it back then; I didn't know that it could hurt him. We were just playing around, you know?"

There were tears forming in Rachel's eyes and she could feel them. "Oh, honey," Quinn whispered, her hand gently stroking Rachel's arm.

"They said it wasn't my fault but I know, you know? I know that it was me who killed him. If I didn't…" She sniffed. "If I hadn't thrown that stupid ball at him, it wouldn't have startled him and maybe he would still be alive." There was a pain at the back of her throat again as she desperately tried to stop herself from crying, but she ignored it.

"Rachel. Rachel, listen to me," the blonde ordered gently but firm. Rachel looked at her, wiping away her tears. "They were right; it is not your fault."

"But…"

"No buts. It could happen anytime. He was sick, Rachel. You're right, maybe it wouldn't have happened that day but it would have happened eventually. You were just at the wrong place in the wrong time, that's all. You can't blame yourself for something you couldn't affect." She wiped away the last tear on Rachel's face who slowly but surely stopped crying. "You were just a child. You couldn't possibly have known what would happen. No one could. No one."

Rachel knew it was easy for the blonde to say that. But she didn't live with the pain and guilt for so many years like Rachel did. Maybe she was right, maybe it really wasn't her fault, but it wasn't easy to accept it—to forgive herself after all this time. But she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She was scared she'd push Quinn away again.

"Well, then I guess I should apologize to his mom for the scene I caused last night," she chuckled in between the tears. "I was quite a drama queen."

After all, it was easy to pretend that everything was fine.

Quinn leaned in to kiss her again but was interrupted by phone ringing. They both groaned and while Quinn rolled on her back again, Rachel reached up to grab her phone from the nightstand. She rolled her eyes when she saw the caller but eventually picked up. "What?" There was a raised eyebrow from blonde at the sound of her voice and she mouthed "Santana" for Quinn to understand.

"_Hello to you too, Shorty. I thought you were never going to pick up."_

The brunette sighed. "What do you want, Santana?"

"_Got out of bed on the wrong side, have we? Or perhaps I interrupted something?"_

"Don't be ridiculous." Rachel watched as Quinn smirked, obviously hearing Santana's remark and then get out of the bed. She stood in front of the mirror and smoothed her clothes. It was Rachel's turn to smirk at the sight, knowing she caused Quinn's flushed face and creased clothes.

"_Well, in that case I have a free house and you are invited to spend the day with me and Britts. We are chillin' in the pool and since we are already tired from all the sex, you should come and keep us company."_

"Yeah, didn't need to know that," she mumbled into the phone.

"_Oh, you're just jealous you don't get any. So what do you say? Should I pick you up?"_

"No, I think… I'm kinda busy here," she answered never leaving her eyes from Quinn who was now sitting on the bed again, drinking water from the bottle. Rachel didn't know why she found drinking from the bottle so hot.

"_Oh come on, Rachel. You could use some company."_

"I already have some," she blurted out before she even thought. Her eyes widened when she realized what she just said. "I mean… I didn't mean…"

There was a surprised laugh at the other side. _"I think you meant it just right. Tell your girlfriend she can come too."_

"She's not…" She groaned. "Wait a second…" She asked Quinn if she wanted to go and after a second of thinking, the girl nodded, shrugging her shoulders. Why not. "Okay, give us 15 minutes."

"_10. See ya then__!__"_ And she hung up.

Rachel glanced at Quinn. "Are you sure you want to go? We don't have to." She crawled across the bed until she was lying next to the blonde and placed her head in Quinn's lap. "Instead we can stay here and do…stuff," she smirked mischievously.

Quinn chuckled while lazily playing with Rachel's hair, an amused smile playing out on her lips. "I see. Well, as much as I would love to stay here and do _stuff_," she winked down at her. "I think it would do some good for you to spend some time with your friends."

"They're not…" she started argue out of habit but stopped herself. She locked eyes with Quinn. "They are, aren't they? My friends, I mean."

The blonde smiled understandingly. "Yes, Rachel, they are. They are the only people I ever saw you talking to willingly. So that must mean something, right?"

Rachel nodded, lost deep in thought. Quinn was right; Santana and Brittany were her friends, no matter how hard she tried to fight it. Even though she was often mean to them and not really friendly, she mostly enjoyed their presence. They were nothing but nice to her and numerous times proved that they genuinely cared about her. It was still hard for her to accept their friendship or the fact that Quinn truly liked her, but maybe she deserved to be loved, after all. Maybe, just maybe, there was some hope for her and she wouldn't end up all alone.

Maybe someday she would be even able to forgive herself for what she did.

* * *

"You're late."

Rachel glared at the Latina standing in doorway in front of her and quickly sent a glare in the chuckling blonde's direction that was standing next to her as well. Her gaze then snapped back up to meet Santana's. "Hello to you too, Santana. I quite well remember that I said we'd be here approximately in 15 minutes. And I'm pretty sure we're here on time," she finished, doing everything in her power to stop herself from stomping her foot down.

"Wow, jeez, okay, calm your tits. I was just joking. Come on in," she stepped aside to let the girls in.

Rachel acted like she didn't notice the smirk on Santana's face as they passed her. She wasn't even trying to hide it as she led them to the backyard where already was a sunning Brittany. "Rachel and her girlfriend are here," the Latina finally announced nonchalantly and slumped down on the sunbed besides the other cheerio.

Rachel felt herself immediately flush. She wanted to say something but was interrupted by Brittany, who jumped from her sunbed and pulled them both in a group hug. Rachel with Quinn exchanged confused looks but didn't say anything. They ignored the not-so secret laugh coming from Santana.

* * *

Surprisingly, they spent a nice day together at Santana's place. Rachel smiled a lot and even laughed at some things Brittany said and it didn't go unnoticed by the cheerios. Especially by Santana. When Rachel was busy talking with Brittany, she took advantage of the situation and sat down next to the sunning Quinn who didn't seem to acknowledge her presence.

"So Rachel's having fun," she observed, while casually applying a sun cream on her arms.

There was no movement from Quinn and Santana couldn't see her eyes since they were hidden under the big sunglasses, but eventually there was a slight nod. "Yeah, she is."

"She smiles a lot."

She looked at Quinn and saw her lips quirk upwards. "She does, doesn't she?"

"I've never seen her smile before," the Latina pointed out seriously, now fully facing the blonde. "It's weird, you know? I've been trying to make her smile for some time now and then you come to the scene and it takes you what, a few days?"

Finally Quinn looked straight at Santana, taking down her sunglasses, so Santana could see her eyes. They were serious now, even suspicious. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not saying anything. I'm glad she's finally happy. After all she's been through, she deserves it."

The suspicious look in Quinn's eyes was replaced with a confused one. "Wait, you know about that?"

Just when Santana realized what she had said and wanted to correct herself, there was another voice behind her. "After all I've been through?"

The both turned their heads at the sound and Santana quickly stood up to face the confused brunette. "Rachel…"

"After all I've been through?" She repeated, obviously taken aback. "What do you mean by all I've been through, Santana?"

Santana desperately looked between Rachel and her girlfriend who was already close to tears, realizing there was no way back. It was time to tell the truth.

The blonde cheerio placed her hand on the brunette's shoulder and Rachel turned her head to her direction. "Brittany, what's going on here?"

Her friend let out a deep sigh in preparation to tell her everything. "Rachel, I think we should tell you something."

Rachel's eyes jumped from Brittany to Santana. "What?"

"First promise us, you won't be mad," the Latina pleaded. Since there was no answer from Rachel's part, she continued. "My dad is a doctor." She saw the confused look on Rachel's face, obviously not understanding a thing. Or didn't want to understand. "He works at the hospital with one of your dads."

They all watched as the realization slowly hit her, as everything came clear to her now. Her confused face was quickly replaced with a hard expression, void of any emotion. "You knew," she stated.

Santana's head bent down. "Yes."

"You knew about…?" She made sure.

"Everything."

There was a gasp coming from the brunette as another realization hit her.

"Is that why you befriended me? Because you felt sorry for me?"

"No, it's not like that," the Latina vehemently shook her head, desperately wanting for Rachel to understand.

Rachel snorted. "Oh, it's not like that? So you didn't know about my past? You didn't know _all _about it when you first spoke to me that day in Glee?"

She watched the other brunette swallow heavily and lower her head. "We did, but Rachel, you need to listen to me."

Santana lifted her head again to meet Rachel's gaze and that's when she knew things wouldn't be the same again. She's never seen such pain and sorrow in someone's eyes. And fury mixed with hate at the same time. Rachel's eyes were full of it. But there was something else in them too. Betrayal. Rachel thought they betrayed her; there was no doubt of it anymore.

"I don't need to do anything. _Anything_," she spat out. "It's all too clear to me. You felt sorry for me, so you thought you'd do me a big fucking favor. Being friends with cheerleaders, who wouldn't want that, right?" There was Quinn's hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down but she shook it off immediately. "Don't touch me," she hissed, but didn't even glance in the blonde's direction.

Rachel connected her eyes with Brittany and they hardened even more after she saw the tears running down the cheerleader's face. "And _you_, I trusted you. You were always this happy, bubbly blonde and I would never think that you could betray me like that. I actually stupidly thought you would never hurt anyone. Not even a fly," she laughed humorlessly. The blonde started crying freely now, immediately with Santana beside her as she tried to calm her down. "And look at you; after all you knew about me, you thought it would be such fun to make a charity project starring Rachel fucking Berry."

"It's not like that, Rachel," Santana repeated, pain written all over her face. "You were never a charity project to us. You're our friend."

Rachel spat out a dry laugh. "A friend? Yeah, I thought so too. Until you decided to go and break my heart," she finished in a broken voice. The hate disappeared from her face and there was only pain left. It was as if she suddenly realized she never had them in a first place. Her eyes started water and she turned around because there was no way she would let them see her cry. "We were never really friends, were we? You just pretended it all," she choked and ran off before anyone could stop her.


	10. Chapter 10

_Important AN: I know it's been too long and I apologize. I'm so sorry, really. Honestly, I wrote this chpater long time ago but I don't have a beta anymore and it seems to be impossible to find one. That's why it took me so long and that's why you'll find many mistakes in this chapter. I apologize for that too. It's hard without a beta and I don't want to upload chapters with mistakes, so if someone would like to take this part or if you knew someone who would be willing to, I'd be really really really grateful._

_You can't imagine how grateful. So just pm me._

* * *

She didn't know where to go. Should she go back to the empty house where she'd be alone only with her pain that was buried deep inside of her? She hugged herself, sniffing quietly and eventually decided to walk the streets with a little hope that she'd find a place to stay.

Honestly, she had no idea how she ended up right here. Maybe something was pulling her here, some higher power or just her subconscious.

Or maybe it was him.

Maybe he knew she needed him. After all, it was always him she needed the most. And always the one she couldn't have. Not anymore.

"Hi," she whispered and kneeled down on the green grass. Softly touching the cold tombstone, she started tracing her fingers along the carved words.

_Jesse St. James _

_1996 – 2003_

_A loving son, grandson and friend_

"I miss you, you know," she sniffed, ignoring the trembling in her voice. There was no one who could hear her anyway. Except him. She always talked to him and hoped that he could hear her. "I know I say that every time but I really miss you. So much. And right now, I really need you, Jesse."

Her eyes dropped down to the carved words on the side of his tombstone. The tears she tried so hard to hold back were now freely running down her face. She didn't try to stop them; there was no point as she read the words she knew by heart.

"_If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."_

She broke down when she first found out about the quote on the tombstone. It was his parents' idea because they knew it was his favorite book. That it was _their_ favorite book. Winnie-the-Pooh. God, they used to read it together since they learned to read. It was their thing, that book.

_She was sitting on the grass in Jesse's garden, drawing something in her notebook. Suddenly she heard him sidle up to her from behind. He quietly sat down next to her."Rach?" He whispered._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Nothing," he said, taking her hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."_

* * *

_They were sitting on Rachel's bed, watching Winnie-the-Pooh, as always. Suddenly Jesse turned his head to face the little brunette. "We'll be friends forever, won't we, Rach?"_

_She smiled at the familiar question. "Even longer," she answered._

_He beamed at her as he always did when she played along and pulled her into a tight hug. "You know, if you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."_

_Rachel returned the hug with all her strength. "You won't," she assured him, squeezing him tightly._

* * *

She dried her eyes on her shirtsleeve. "That's why you did it, huh? Because you didn't want to live without me? So you let me live without you instead?" She was aware that she was speaking to no one but she couldn't stop. "But it's hard. To live without you." She sighed, still caressing the cold stone as if it was her best friend himself. "Your mom visited me, do you know about that?" She let out a short laugh. "Of course you do, you know about everything now. About Quinn too." She smiled a little at the thought of the girl. "You'd like her. She's so different from everyone. I've never met someone like her. But I'm scared, you know? That she'll leave me just like everyone else."

She stayed quiet, subconsciously awaiting some kind of response but there was none, just a light breeze she felt on her skin. Disappointed, she got up on her feet and touched the stone for the last time. "I gotta go. But I'll be back. I love you."

With that she left the cemetery, not noticing a butterfly circling above her head.

* * *

It was dark already when she finally got home. She wanted to head straight to the house but then noticed a person sitting on the front steps. She expected it to be Quinn but instead it was another blonde, a taller one. The dancer quickly stood up when she spotted her, an unsure look on her face.

Rachel stood in front of the blonde. She was tired and wanted nothing but to get over with it. "What are you doing here, Brittany?"

"Can we talk? Please?" It was evident she was crying as her eyes were puffy and red, and it did something with Rachel. Her heart melted even though she was still upset. She's never wanted to make the other girl cry.

So instead of pushing her away, she nodded. "Come in."

Even though her parents still weren't home, they headed straight to Rachel's room. She closed the door behind them, motioning for Brittany to sit down on the bed. She obeyed without a word and Rachel sat down next to her, facing her. "Talk."

The blonde looked straight into Rachel's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Rachel's stare was hard and cold, but not angry anymore. "For what?"

"I'm sorry for not telling you the truth. I'm not sorry for being your friend." When Rachel opened her mouth to say something, she held her hand up and Rachel immediately closed it again. "We are friends, Rachel, no matter what you say. But please, please, don't be mad at Santana. I made her not to tell you," she finally told the truth and Rachel froze. She did not expect this.

She frowned. "What? Did she make you to say this?"

When Brittany looked at her again, her eyes were sad but pleading. "It's true, I swear. She doesn't even know I'm here. Quinn stayed with her because she was sad and I don't like seeing her sad. And I had to speak to you."

At the mention of the blonde Rachel's eyebrow shot upwards. "Quinn is with her?" The dancer nodded her head, confirming. Rachel decided to change the subject and get to the main point. "Why did you do that? Befriending me?"

Brittany instinctively moved closer, stopping herself from reaching out and squeezing Rachel's hand. It was hard not to, seeing her so broken but distant, pretending to be the strong one. Instead she shrugged as her brows furrowed. "Because we wanted to. Because you were always so sad and I wanted to make you feel better. But Santana always told me to leave you alone, that you didn't want to be friends with anyone," she smiled sadly, remembering when her girlfriend first told her the truth about Rachel.

"I don't need friends," the brunette cut her off with a forced nonchalance, avoiding Brittany's gaze.

"Everyone needs friends, Rachel," the other girl said gently. "And I know everyone thinks I'm stupid but in fact, I'm pretty smart and I see things others don't. I saw that you were lonely. Nobody wants to be lonely."

"I don't think you're…" The brunette started, but was immediately stopped.

"No, it's okay" the blonde waved her hand. "I know you don't. But everyone else except you and Santana does. I'm cool with it, I like to keep my smart side hidden," she said and shot Rachel a big, proud smile.

Involuntarily Rachel returned the smile. It was hard not to. When it came to Brittany, it was hard to stay mad at her. She watched as the other girl reached out for her and she let her take her hand. She squeezed it tightly, intently staring into Rachel's eyes. "I do know what happened to you, Rach. But I swear that it wasn't the main reason why we decided to bother you until you like us," she smirked before her face grew serious again. "If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me. I stopped Santana from telling you. She wanted to tell you so many times because she was scared you'd hate us after you found out." The blonde leaned in closer and conspiratorially whispered. "Don't tell her but she's such a softie and she really likes you."

Rachel chuckled.

Brittany flashed her warm smile. "Does that mean you don't hate us?" She asked with a hope in her voice.

Amused, Rachel shook her head. "No, I could never really hate you. I really like you guys too," she replied and gave Brittany's hand squeeze on her own.

* * *

She hadn't heard from Quinn for the rest of the day. She wanted to call her, to apologize for shrugging her off but she didn't have her number and she didn't know where she lived. She could ask her parents who came home soon after Brittany left, but decided against it when she realized she didn't _exactly_ know what to say to Quinn.

* * *

The vibrating phone woke her up. She stirred a bit, checking the time. 1 AM. Wondering who wanted to reach her, she grabbed her phone and read the text.

'_I'm outside. Q."_

Rachel blinked a couple times, not believing her own eyes. She didn't know Quinn had her number. Where did she get it? She didn't waste the time though and quietly, careful not to wake her parents, she sneaked outside. There, in front of the house, she found Quinn with her face pinched with concern, nervously shuffling her feet.

"What are you doing here?" She whispered when she was close enough for the blonde to hear her.

"I was worried. I wanted to run after you when you took off, but Brittany said I should stay with Santana. So I did," she admitted. "I'm sorry I didn't run after you," she added after a pause, with her head down as if ashamed of herself.

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I shouldn't have acted like a bitch towards you." Rachel walked closer until she stood face to face with her. She lifted her hand and gently touched Quinn's face, watching her to lean in Rachel's touch. "Do you want to go upstairs?" She asked after a while and watched Quinn's eyes widen. She chuckled. "Not for _that_, silly."

But Quinn just smiled a sweet smile and gave her a peck on the lips. "I'd love to."

With that Rachel took the girl's hand and led her inside the house and then upstairs to her own room. When she closed the door and turned around the face the blonde, she realized she was nervous and shaking. Staring into the mesmerizing hazel eyes that were boring into her made her knees week and she leaned up against the door for some kind of support. She swallowed heavily as she saw Quinn taking slow steps towards her until their faces were only inches apart. Quinn never let her eyes leave Rachel's and the brunette felt the temperature in the room suddenly rise.

Rachel cleared her throat. In desperation and a need of easing the tension, she broke the heavy silence. "Where did you get my number?"

This seemed to wake Quinn up from her trance. She blinked away as if only now realizing she'd been so close to Rachel. "Huh?"

"I don't remember giving it to you," she tried again, her voice high with nervousness. Her heart was racing and she only hoped Quinn couldn't hear it.

This was different than before, when she was the one in control. This time she was all in Quinn's power and she didn't know how to deal with the new situation.

"Santana gave it to me."

Rachel mentally face-palmed herself for asking such a stupid question. Of course. She's spent the day with the Latina. Of course she'd have Rachel's number from her.

Quinn stepped away, her eyes studying the other's girl face. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just… strange how you always find me. You're always there when I need you."

Quinn's eyes closed. Then she opened them and peered into Rachel's. Questioning. "Is it… bothering you?"

Rachel's eyes widen at the blonde's question and she vehemently shook her head again, taking the girl's hand into her own. "No, of course not. Well, it bothered me before but not anymore."

Quinn nodded, but the look on her faces was still unsure. She withdrew her body from Rachel completely and it made Rachel regret she had big mouth again. She followed Quinn, who was already sitting down on the bed, her hands resting in her lap. She looked up to meet Rachel's eyes. "You didn't tell me how it went with Brittany."

Rachel was taken aback at the sudden change of the subject, but played along with it. "It went well. Let's say that once again, I was being a drama queen." She let out a deep sigh. "Maybe it's time I allowed myself to be happy and stopped being so…" She threw up her hands, searching for the right word.

"Hard to deal with?" Quinn beat her to it.

She snorted. "I meant dramatic but that too." Her brows furrowed, suddenly uncertain. "Do you really think I'm hard to deal with?"

The hint of a smile cricked Quinn's lips. "You're definitely complicated. And for some it can mean you're hard to deal with." At the sight of broken looking Rachel, she gently lifted her chin. "Hey, look at me." Rachel did what she was told. "But you're worth it. No one is perfect, Rachel."

"But it seems like you are," she argued.

The blonde let out an amused laugh. "I'm the last one who is perfect, trust me." Then her face grew serious. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Rachel. Some things you can never know."

"Why not?"

Quinn released her face and stared into space. "Because I worked too hard to put it behind me." She turned her head to face Rachel again and her eyes bored into the dark ones. "Because it would change everything between us. I finally found you and I don't want to lose you."

* * *

_AN: I borrowed quotes from Winnie-the-Pooh. Sadly, they don't belong to me. _


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